Here'e the background:
My wife and I have just got a horse from a family friend. She is half quarter horse half Tennesee walker and is 10 years old. She was an alpha mare where she was previously (at that owners 4 years). We rode her at the previous owner's and she rode fine. We rode her at our house after waiting 7 days.
At my house she is the sole horse. We have 2 retreivers (dogs) fenced next to her and stay in the stall next to her. We have goats in the barn and she can see them outside about 20 feet away from her fence. (I have not tried putting any goats in with her yet.) Her pasture is about 2 acres and she can come and go in and out of the barn as she pleases. We have had the horse for 11 days.

My questions:

How long does it take a horse to adjust to it's new surroundings?

I have done the "Head Down" command pushing on her poll and she submits. Also, telling her "Back" and she submits. (Giving her lots of praise when she obeys.) So I think the horse thinks I am the dominate one. (We do NOT hit or whip or yell at the horse.)

My wife thinks the horse is not affectionate. It does not always come when called (only if it wants to) and you can be talking to it and petting it and it will just walk away. She is not a mean horse - just seems like she doesn't care to except or show affection.

Do most horses come when called? Does it take awhile to get then to do that? Is there a special way to get them to (short of giving them a treat everytime, but then they only do it for reward)?

Are horses more like some cats - you're just their food supply and other than that they could not care if you live or die. Do they not care much about affection (giving or receiving)?

My wife doesn't think the horse likes her - she is starting to get frustrated and thinking we got an unaffectionate horse and beginning to be scared of it (I've told her you should respect the horse's size, but not show fear to it.)

I think the horse is still adjusting to its new place and owners and will eventually come around and trust us and accept our affection?
(Just don't know how long that will take!) My wife is disappointed because she has always loved horses and wanted one - now that she has what seemed like a friendly horse at the previous owners, the horse seems disinterested in us.

Any helpful advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

It takes a while for a horse to adjust to a new home, especially when they're used to being in a herd and now are the only horse. I will say, horses are social animals and they need that interaction. I don't know your financial situation, but I'd suggest at least getting a pony or goat if not another horse for her.

Head down and back are a great start, but there is a lot that goes into becoming dominant in the horse human relationship. It's good that you don't whip her. I would recommend getting a good book on groundwork, or a DVD so that you can familiarize yourselves w/the process. It's not really hard, but you have to do it in a certain way.

Horses have personalities, just like we do and some are more affectionate than others just like us. Tell your wife not to despair quite so soon, your mare is still adjusting to you, a new home, and the loss of her herd mates, and shes lonely. I'd recommend just spending some time w/her grooming and scratching. Try to find the spots that feel good to her. Jackson likes his withers scratched, and also between his front legs. Some like to have their butt on either side of the tail scratched, some like you to scratch the sides of the neck, or where the mane grows from. Give her some carrots or apples, but it's probably best to give them to her in a bucket so she doesn't get nippy.

Jack doesn't normally come when I call, but you can train them to. Call the name or whistle and have a treat in the bucket w/you. Food is normally the best "currency" w/horses.

Some horses are more independant, but I've found that over time they do form a very real attachment to "their" humans. I can do whatever I want to Jack, but when others try he gets pretty testy. You should have been there when a friend tried to help me clean his sheathe! Yeah, works much better if I do it myself,lol.

We're all pretty friendly and try to be helpful here, so if you have other questions by all means ask!!

Thanks for taking the time to respond - I appreciate it.
We have been giving her an apples (cut in fourths or half) and carrots. We have 4 kids and all us feed her out of our hand (we all keep our hands/fingers flat to avoid accidently finger bites).
Been going out after work and walking her on lead and talking to her.
I plan on putting 2 of our larger goats in with her this weekend and see how that works out - maybe she will feel like a leader again. Due to the cost and only having 2 acres of pasture (for a major food source for her), I will only be having a single horse at this time.
Thanks again for your advice.
Brent

You'll soon discover that ask 1 question and you'll get back 20 conflicting answers.

I don't give my horses any adjusting time. Theory=trailer anywhere [horse show, trail ride, cow ranch work] and you fully expect to unload your horse tack it up and ride. No one shows up days ahead, so the horse feels comfortable.

New horse and your wife may never have a very close bond, it's 2 WOMEN !!!

Mares are the dominant ones in the herd, they tell the other mares who to befriend and let the stallion know in no uncertain terms, when breeding is aloud. So your mare is not going to play the " My friend Flicka" role.
Horses are a herd animal and like interaction, unfortunately, on their terms in their time. I currently have 4 mares and my competition horse, rides fabulous and wins for the most part. But, unless you are working her, its best to leave her alone. She is not mean or ugly and your horse isn't either. But they are horses, not pets and don't have pet [DOG] behaviors.
It would be nice if she followed you up the driveway and whinnied when you approached, came galloping across the field, but that kind of stuff only happens in the movies.

PLEASE Do not take this info. wrong- Not trying to be mean/harsh.

It's kind of like marriage, it was all bells and whistles when you were dating. Now some 15 yrs later your lucky to get a peck on the cheek. You certainly don't love that person any less. Maybe more in fact, but the honeymoons over.

And as Jen said- food is a great motivator.

Jen's right, horses are social animals, it may take her a bit more time. But then, all horses are different. I have one alpha mare who has always been kind of "to herself" and probably always will be. She doesn't need other horses, and she doesn't need people really. She's incredibly smart and fends for herself. I just accept it.

However, I have a few young horses and also...my stallion (yeah, a stallion acting like a big spoiled baby) who whinny after me, run after me and sometimes act like they can't live without me. The ones some folks only see in movies. It's awesome, but that again is, every horse is different.

Horses have instincts and personalities as well as humans. They also have fears and uncertainties if they're not sure about a new place or new people.

My own horse (not a NEWLY PURCHASED horse), I do expect to adjust when they step off of the trailer and be fine. I know my own horse, and in general, he's fine.

If I've just bought a new horse and I'm unfamiliar with him/he's unfamiliar with me, my property, etc... I don't want their first perception of me is "now when you step onto my property, I don't want you to fear ANYTING, I want you to walk correctly, act correctly, and be friendly to me immediately. If I were a horse, I don't think I'd want to meet anymore humans. lol

So in short, I personally, give a new horse time to adjust, but my own, I generally expect him to be fine 99% of the time.

Thanks for all the responses. Yeah, your right about varying answers. It is the same way in goat forums. It's good though - you get the broad spectrum of experiences to consider and draw your own conclusion.

Hi Murf.. I didn't know I was a member here but kept getting emails from the admin so I came to see what it's all about. lol.

Anyway, I'm with Ltc on his answers and would like to say you probably need to relax a little about the whole situation.

It's a horse and horses have their own body language that's gonna be a little different from the cats and dogs and goats you're used to. My recommendation is to spend time watchin your new horses ear positions, how it holds one back leg (learn the difference between resting a foot and thinking about firing away at something) and other body language. Just like your dogs, the horse will usually tell you her intentions. The language is different but you'll learn over time.

As for how long to let your horse get used to the place. I never worry about this but a couple days and only then because I have other horses and learning new horses and the pecking order is an all together different thing.

I may have it wrong but it sounds like you have goats? Try it with a goat(s) and watch what heppens. If there is some animosity and bossiness I'd not be concerned about that. The mare is just being a horse and more importantly being a "mare". Just watch to see that things don't get out of hand before they get used to their places in the pecking order.

As far as the non affectionate or uninterested thing, horses have personalities like everything else. They're not a one size fits all animal. Some people like hugs and some people are more reserved. Horses are like that too. Let me tell you about a horse my wife owns. He's the nicest thing around after you get your hands on him, broke to death, but in the pasture he'll walk off everytime unless he's hurt and needs doctoring. He'll come for treats if it's not too much trouble. I have three other horses that are people horses and love attention. Don't judge the new horse because you're not automatically it's best friend. Of the three horses I have that crave attention only one craves affection. It'll talk you awhile to learn the difference.

I'm also familiar with donkeys and I'll tell you a new donkey on the place might act just like your new mare. They don't bond right off because their intelligent enough to size the situation up first..Maybe you've got a smart horse! Give the friendship thing some time but most importantly remember that it's a horse and it's not fair to it to try to make it into what "you" think a horse should be.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Hang with some horse people (folks who used to ride as a kid don't count because three times on a hack horse don't make them a horse person) and listen to them. The best ones are the ones who grew into it. The ones who own all the videos can help, but they can also mess you up without some long term successful experience.

Banjo

Goodness, I do believe Banjo might be my long lost twin.

I completely agree with you.

Sounds like your main concern is the horse not being 'affectionate'. Relax my friend! Most horses aren't like dogs; they don't crave to be petted and coddled. Some horses do, most don't. We have 2 horses out of the saddle herd of 10 who will approach you and want to be loved on. And they will stand there as long as you please to have their ears scratched and their back rubbed and their nose caressed. And then there are some who you go to give them a kiss on the nose and they raise their head and turn away. They don't enjoy it as much. Your horse isn't being mean or resistant- but horses aren't like a dog so much. They aren't there just for companionship from the ground. The most fascinating thing about horses is the trust and communication you acquire from their back! That is the most amazing relationship, not what happens when you go to catch them or feed them a treat. What is so amazing is the willingness you watch them acquire, the things they learn, even through all the difficult trials.

Spend some time with some horsey folks, keep a look out for clinics in your area, get involved; I'm sure you will love your new mare!

Lots of good ideas and advise to consider. Horses are like people, they have different personalities so different ideas will give you different options. Give it time, I suggest ground work first and ride as often as possible. Learn by watching how your horse responds to you when doing ground work and how it responds when you ride.

Tell wife not to be disappointed. If there is any fear in her, the horse may act up and feed off her fear. Remember, with time, you all learn about the horse and the horse learns about you.

YOu might ask the previous owner to come help you with any problems you might be experiencing. They might have insight from previous experience with the horse. Sometimes you just need to learn the horse's language.

Read up, read up, and readup on everything about horses. Books, DVD's, magazines. A good magazine I like for new horse owners to read is John Lyons' Perfect Horse. It is a good referrence I keep around. There are topics on training, trailering, in addition to nutritional supplements. There are other magazines out there as well. Perfect Horse is just a magazine I prefer. Ask around for other mags too, it never hurts to get more than one view, much like the opinions in this thread.

Do not give up.
(By the way, my horses DO run up to me when they see me...especially if I have a bucket in my hand) My stallion runs and whinnies when he sees me. What a rush to have a greeting like that in the morning and when I come home from a long day at work. Maybe in time, your horse will do the same.
Good luck, safety first.

Thanks for the advice. I try and see if they have that magazine at Tractor Supply.

You got a lot of great insight from the other members here. I will offer my experience with your situation. First of all, someone earlier said that 2 women often clash! True in so many cases. I have never owned a mare in my entire life. We have raised horses my entire life, and I finally rode my first mare this year. I am twenty five. I still don't get along with mares! I don't get along with women in general and it is the same way with mares. My husband just bought a mare six months ago, and we do not get along. I honestly tried everything to get along, but she is very dominant in nature and we don't see eye to eye. She loves my husband and my daughters, but not me. All horses are different. Also, as horses get older, they seem less interested in people. My young colts and fillies are full of curiousity and affection. They follow me everywhere and could stand and be rubbed all day. All of my older horses (over six) seem to care less if I am in the pasture. Just a funny note for you on the mare situation....I have a gelding that is my pride and joy. He meets me at the gate and follows me everywhere. He gets jealous if I pet other horses and throws a fit if I ride another horse. The mare that doesn't like me also doesn't like my gelding and she often lunges at him when he passes her on his way to running to meet me. lol. Good luck!

Just as everyone has stated, your mare may not be affectionate. I have a mare that is the most wonderful horse to ride, very gentle, and has never offered to bite or kick me. Awesome horse! I have had her for 20 years and we have a special bond. The only time she is affectionate is if she knows I am sad or upset. Otherwise, she will turn away from me out in the pasture. She will whinny at me every time I step outside, but only because she thinks I am going to give her food! lol. She does not like to be scratched or pet, but will TOLERATE it. On the other hand, I have a 3 year old gelding that LOVES his butt scratched, loves attention, but you cannot put your face near his face. He pins his ears and lifts his head WAY up high. But he loves to be pet and hugged, just not near his face. On the other hand, he will kick at you, and he nips. Just different personalities. Tell your wife not to get frustrated, your mare may not like affection. If she wants something to love on and pet, keep to the dogs or cats. Best of luck to you and your new horse!