My friends daughters have started lessons.... the trainer is "okay" but now we see she might be bored with the training aspect of horses... Reason, and please correct me if I am wrong, the youngest, NOW SEVEN, was put on retired rodeo horses that can be hot... Pushy... emotional ... uncontrollable... She, after a couple months of lessons, is SCARED to death of horses, cows, calves... basically anything that is larger than her... We have been trying to build her confidence up again at home and at the farm where I keep my horse...

Examples of her Lessons... within the first couple weeks was told to lead this retired rodeo horse to a post and brush him down, clean him up... the horse is NOT quiet.. won't stand... It was overwhelming for her... well, you can imagine...
The same horse; she was riding in the lesson paddock, and the horse bolted on her...

This is the short version of a couple situations... There is more and she no longer goes there....

Any suggestions on confidence builders?

First, I'm so sorry that this has happened.
Unfortunately there is no set system with guidelines for people who want to Train/Instruct.
You have had the bad luck of going to someone unqualified, borderline dangerous.
Luckily noone got physically injured.
Sad to say emotions and fears heal alot slower.
The damage has already been done and we can't go back, so what to do now.
Wait
Your only option is to wait, you say you have a horse.
Is yours well mannered, quite, beginner friendly.
If he is, then invite her to come with you, but don't press the issue that she should do anything.
Just mention, "Hey xxx would you like to help me brush, so we can get done faster" "Can you help me get xxx feed in" "Would you mind doing xxx"
All little stuff that she CAN be successful at.
Only time will tell if she can enjoy horses or if she was on the fence to begin with and they are just not for her.
Lessons- Do find someone with dead quite beginner horses, ask lots of questions, watch them give a lesson or two, be 100% confident that they will be a good match for her.
If you are even .0005% unsure move on. You don't owe these people anything.
Since it was more than 1 or 2 lessons, it will take awhile for her to calm down.
A group like 4H, Pony club or a riding group with kids her age, also volunteer hours at a therapeutic program may help.
Be patient.
Again Sorry

Thank you for your input.

Her mother and older sisters are working with her now. They all go to the farm where my horse is and where, now, their horse is. Her mother recently purchased a wonderful buckskin QH for all three girls. The new horse is an absolute angel~~ and we are all hoping that the youngest will see that not all horses are like the ones she was put on.

The farm where the horses are also has other animals that she can work with.. Small pasture of calves that we all stand in and she is warming up to.. But, it is very obvious that she now has a fear of being trampled by anything larger than herself...

We will be working with both horses again this weekend and the person that will be giving the new lessons from lives one the farm, very sweet young girl that has amazing, quiet horses and will also be putting the girls on their horse for the lessons ( Their horse was born and raised with this family )...

Your opinion, is it best to put her right up on a quiet horse? Or first just work on being able to stand near one?

Sounds like you are making a little progress.

I personally would not push it by putting her on a horse right away. Even with a very quiet horse there is a slight chance that her fear will make the horse uncomfortable. I would go with just being around some very reliable horses.

There are some horses that just love kids. I have seen horses who normally were on the
obnoxious side turn into total lambs around kids. Maybe you can find one.

Good luck!

GC

Ok, I'll start with the easy part.
No, Don't push or even suggest she take 'Lessons'.
Or if you do, Unmounted lessons. There is so much to do and learn with horses that doesn't include riding.
But, honestly 7 is a great age, if you want to know just ask.
Now here is one of the hard parts, make sure you listen. A good question "xxx would you like to try riding again" Then wait. Don't phrase it with the word lesson, don't say with whom, what horse, what day,where, with sisters/mom/you. Try very hard to not put anything in there that she will feel the need to answer a certain way. "xxx How about this saturday we all go to the new barn and you take a lesson with xxx and see how you feel" Phrased that way at 7 she really doesn't see any other answer but, Ok.

Now, the really hard part.
Friends make horrid business partners.
There had to be an original reason that you chose not to have the girl at your farm teach to begin with.
Next just because she is young , cute and fun, doesn't mean she is good. So do watch very carefully that bubbly hasn't over shadowed knowledge. What instructional background does she have.
Side note-It is a really good idea for everyone to ride with helmets. Every ride Every time. A nervous rider will fall off [so do not nervous ones], if it is the standard, thats one less thing to worry about. I know Western riders don't like them as much, but on a personal note I would not use an Instructor who doesn't wear one [Not saying this applies, just a note]
Then what is going to happen between you, your friend and the barn owner when these lessons don't work out.

It is hard to have one sibling that just doesn't, I have one that would be just as happy if we had no animals and another who knows exactly when one hair is out of place.

Wouldn't life be so much easier if everyone went the same direction at the same time.
Sure, but how boring.
Give her time and let her discover her own calling, who knows it may be horses.

I first did not want to comment on that - but this is the quote that made me:
"Next just because she is young , cute and fun, doesn't mean she is good."

So here we go.

There is a 7 year old who got scared to death by some pretty wrong approach. Please do not take any more risks.

First of all - because you obviously like horses, it does not mean this girls does, or will. So why push her? She has a lifetime to get to like horses - or not.

Second - the answer about the "cute trainer girl" kind of turned my stomach upside down. Do not get me wrong, but cute does not cut it. You got a scared little girl and I think it would take a very experienced person to solve this problem. Experienced both with people and horses.

I agree with Ltc that there are many things you can do around horses. How about just watching them and explain to the girl what they are doing - and why they are doing it. She needs to find out that this can be fun!

You know, I just do not believe in "If you get thown, just get back on". It might sound good, but most of the time it does not work. I once did not even get thrown, but just fell off because of a saddle rolling (my darn fault). It knocked the wind out of me and it took me three weeks to walk again. And it took all the mental power I had to get back on a horse - and I made a living out of training - and was a little past 7.

Just do not push it - would you?

GC

I agree that pushing it isnt the best way to go. my youngest who is now 9 was given an old pony (28years old) to learn to ride on when she was 5, she was the perfect old girl a bit full on a times but not a mean bone in her body and a sweety on the ground. the youngest wanted to go to pony club but the old girl was too old to take so the search for a more suitable pony began.

we had one from pony club on lease thankfully to see if he would be suitable for my daughter. to cut a long story short he wasnt the pony for her she was tossed and ended up with concussion in hospital. she totally lost her confidence around horses, whilst she would pat him she became too scared of him to even lead him let alone ride.

the best thing we did was not to push her we sent the pony back (we have since discovered from another pc mum that this pony had issues we werent made aware off) we now have another old girl 24yrs young who is giving my daughter back the confidence she has lost. it took many months to find the right horse that would give her back her confidence she was never pushed and given the choice of riding again or not.


if she had decided not to ride again that would have been fine as wolfgang said kids have their whole life ahead of them to redisover horses if they so wish.

sunday we took the old girl to her first pony club day and for the first time in months of my daughter rode without my leading her around the paddock. she is gaining her confidence back in her own time on a horse that is appropriate for her.

horses are like shoes you have to find the right won that fits your daughter where she too can learn to have fun. sounds like this instructor has not idea what it takes teach a child to ride and give them confidence.

I hope your daughter one day will be like mine and regain her confidence in riding and enjoy the experience.

Just want to clarify a something... I am not sure if the comments made were due to something misread in my posts.

I did post that she ( the person that will be working with my friend's daughters ) is a sweet young girl... Not sure who or where cute , adorable and such came from.

She is very qualified for lessons for the wee ones. Very attentive and understanding. Experience is a major factor in training and lessons; however, they went to someone with years of experience and training and ended up more of a burden to the farm owner. The previous trainer obviously needs to stop giving lessons or should NOT take beginners...

Why they are now going to try where my horse is....They weren't taking lessons there from the 'giddy up' because their mother chose a place closer to their home and her work.

One a happier note...... The little one was wonderful yesterday. Her confindence is SLOWLY building... We saddled up Zora and put her up on her and they led her all around the farm walk and a trot.

I really do appreicate everyones ideas. We didn't push at all. She chose how close she wanted to be; when she felts comfortable to brush Zora...We mentioned putting a saddle one and maybe walking her around, the little one wanted so desperately to get on and take a walk.,

Perfect.
Just continue to let her guide you as to how much is too much.
Sounds like the new enviroment has helped.