- Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout "Get off, stupid! Get off!"
- Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "Relaxing into the fall". Roll lithely into a ball, and spring to your feet!
- Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse/pocket and write out a $200.00 check without even looking down.
- Jog long distances carrying a halter and holding out a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you're doing.They might as well know now.
- Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling it to a halt. And smile as if you are really having fun.
- Hone your fibbing skills. "See hon, moving hay bales is fun!" and " I'm glad your lucky performance and multi-million dollar horse won you first place - I'm just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place".
- Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder, and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
- Borrow the US Army slogan; "Be all that you can be." As in, you can be .. bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled, etc."
- Lie face down in the mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself: "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience,..."
- Marry money.
Bonus lesson:
Q: What is the way to make a small fortune in the horse business?
A: Start with a large one.
Ten Ways To Get In Shape To Own A Horse
Damnit! What the @#% is wrong with this *&@!#% horse?! 
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