A man was driving through Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting by the road in total silence.

He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent.

As he peered by the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised.

Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump."

The man jumped up quickly striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded.

There were two horses standing in the field alongside and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump, tap it with your flashlight, and try it again."

Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared into life.

He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.

When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar.

"Large whiskey, please!" he said.

A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked,

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost!"

"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.

The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"

The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes it was! Am I crazy?"

"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're very lucky," said the rancher "because the black horse don't know nothing about cars!"

CATHOLIC HORSES

Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern
Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the racetrack.

One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing
his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the
track and bless the forehead of one of the horses
lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this
horse, a very long shot -- won the race. Bubba was
most interested to see what the priest did the next
race.

Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the
track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and
placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the
horses.
Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small
bet on the horse. Again, even though another long
shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to
see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on
for
the 6th race.

The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it,
and it won! Bubba was elated!

As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one
of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba
began to pull in some serious money, and by the last
race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come
true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big
money and awaited the priest's blessing that would
tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the
track before the last race and blessed the forehead,
eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.

Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in
dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the
track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What
happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they
won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost.
Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!"

The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem
with you Protestants...you can't tell the difference
between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

LOL hi there, i just have to say that this joke made me laugh out loud! Unfortunatly i don't have any jokes to put on here that won't get me banned. lol i only know dirty jokes!